the phenomenon of CALD girls being overruled in their own bodies
I’m willing to bet my daily oat lattes that you know that feeling when you’re sitting in the doctor’s office, and suddenly it feels like the conversation is happening around you instead of with you. The doctor asks questions, but your parent answers before you can. Or the interpreter simplifies what you said into something that doesn’t quite match. You try to add a detail, but it’s brushed past with a smile and a nod.
It’s not that anyone means harm.. most of the time, they’re trying to help. But in that moment, it can feel like you’ve lost the right to your own story. Like your body belongs to everyone else in the room but you.
That’s what being overruled in your own body feels like. And it’s something many CALD girls quietly go through without ever putting words to it.
Why This Happens
For a lot of CALD girls, a doctor’s appointment isn’t just you and the doctor. It’s you, your parent, maybe an interpreter, maybe even siblings in the waiting room. It feels less like “my health check” and more like “a family outing.”
Parents often step in because they care; they want to protect you, make sure nothing is misunderstood, or keep things from sounding too scary. Interpreters sometimes soften your words, changing “it hurts a lot” into “she feels a little uncomfortable,” because it sounds more polite. And doctors? Sometimes they just assume the adult in the room knows everything already, so they direct the questions there instead of to you.
Most of this isn’t meant to silence you. But the effect is still real. It can feel like your voice has been put on mute, even though you’re sitting right there.
When that happens often enough, you start to wonder if speaking up is even worth it. And slowly, without realising it, you begin to believe a lie: that your health story isn’t really yours to tell.
How It Feels
When you’re overruled in your own body, it can leave you with this quiet, heavy feeling that’s hard to put into words. You might sit there thinking:
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Wait… did anyone even hear what I said?
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Maybe I’m just making a big deal out of nothing.
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Should I just keep quiet next time?
It’s confusing, because part of you knows what you feel in your body is real. But another part starts to doubt, that like maybe your pain isn’t “serious enough” or maybe someone else does know better than you.
And that’s the tricky thing: when other voices fill the room, yours can start to feel smaller. Over time, it can even teach you to silence yourself before anyone else does.
But here’s what’s important: just because other people speak louder doesn’t mean your voice matters less. Your pain, your words, your experiences, they’re real. They belong to you. And no one else can explain them the way you can.
Gentle Ways to Reclaim Space
Speaking up about your health doesn’t always have to be loud or confrontational. Sometimes the most powerful thing is simply finding a way to make sure your words are heard in the room. Here are a few gentle, everyday ways to do that:
1. Write it down first
When you’re nervous, it’s easy to forget the exact words you wanted to use. Writing your symptoms or questions in your phone beforehand can help. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t feel well sometimes,” you might have a note that says, “Pain starts one week before my period, lasts for four days, feels like stabbing.” That detail makes it harder for anyone else to dismiss.
2. Practise your sentence
It can feel scary to cut into a conversation, especially if your parent or interpreter usually speaks first. Having a short sentence ready – something like, “I’d like to explain this part myself” or “Can I add something here?” – gives you a little script to lean on. You don’t need to say it perfectly. Even a few words can remind everyone that you want to be included.
3. Pick one detail that matters most
Appointments can feel overwhelming, especially when you have lots of symptoms or thoughts racing in your head. Start small. Choose one thing you don’t want left out. Maybe it’s, “The pain makes me miss school,” or “It wakes me up at night.” Even if nothing else is said, that one clear detail brings your voice into the space.
4. Bring a trusted ally
If it feels too intimidating to go alone, bring someone who gets it, a cousin, sibling, or close friend. Sometimes just having someone beside you who nods when you speak makes it easier to hold your ground. An ally doesn’t need to speak for you; their role is just to help you feel safe enough to speak for yourself.
5. Use the words that feel natural
Health words can sound awkward or embarrassing, especially if they don’t exist in your first language. But if you feel more comfortable describing your pain in your mother tongue, go ahead. Even if the doctor doesn’t understand, you’ve claimed your pain in your own words. That’s powerful. You can always ask for it to be translated after.
6. Remember that small is still strong
Reclaiming space doesn’t have to be a big confrontation. Sometimes it looks like making eye contact when you answer. Sometimes it’s repeating a point if it gets brushed past. Sometimes it’s just holding onto your notes and making sure one of your sentences is read out.
Every time you take one of these steps, you remind yourself – and the people around you – that this body belongs to you, and so does the right to speak about it.
Why It Matters
When you keep getting spoken over, it does not just stay in the room. It can start to stick to you. You walk out thinking, “Maybe it is not that serious” or “Maybe I should just stop bringing it up.” Slowly, without even noticing, you begin to hide your pain from others and sometimes even from yourself.
That is why it matters. Because being overruled is not just about one appointment. It is about what it teaches you over time: to doubt yourself, to stay quiet, to believe that someone else always knows your body better than you do. And that is never true.
The truth is, you live in your body every single day. You are the first one to feel the pain, the changes, the patterns. You know when something is not right. That makes you the most important voice in any health conversation.
Finding ways to speak, even in little steps, is powerful. It is not only about better health care, it is about reminding yourself, “I believe me. I trust what I feel.” That small act is enough to begin shifting everything.
Aletheia’s Reminder
Being overruled in your own body is a heavy feeling, but it does not define you. You are allowed to speak, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. You are allowed to say, “this hurts,” or “this is my experience,” and have that taken seriously.
Your voice matters. Your pain matters. Your body belongs to you.
And if you have ever walked out of a clinic or a classroom feeling unheard, know that you are not alone. So many CALD girls carry the same quiet frustration, the same urge to shrink themselves. But here, we remind each other of something bigger: your story is worth telling, and your words deserve to be trusted.
Take care of yourself, and remember you never have to apologise for speaking up.
Love from,
The Aletheia Project
Originally published by The Aletheia Project on Substack.
