the girl in the waiting room
Picture it. A girl, fifteen, sitting in a GP’s room. She’s there because her periods have been heavy enough to soak through at school and she’s exhausted all the time. Her mum is in the next chair. The doctor asks how she’s been feeling.
Her mum answers.
The doctor nods, writes something down, and asks the next question. To her mum.
Nobody in that room means any harm. Mum is worried and wants to help. The doctor is busy. But by the end of the appointment, the person whose body it is has said maybe six words. And the things she really wanted to ask (is this normal? is it why I feel so flat? what about the cramps that make me throw up?) leave the room with her, unasked.
Sunday 11 October is International Day of the Girl. It’s a day about girls’ rights, and one of those rights is quieter than most: the right to speak for yourself in your own health care.
this is a rights issue, not a manners issue
The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child is pretty clear about this. In UNICEF’s child-friendly wording, Article 12 says children have the right to give their opinions freely on issues that affect them, and that adults should listen and take children seriously. Article 16 says every child has the right to privacy. Article 24 covers the right to the best health care possible, and to information about how to stay safe and healthy.
Put those three together and you get something simple: a girl’s appointment should include her voice, her privacy and real information she can understand.
UNICEF’s theme for this year’s Day of the Girl is about ending child marriage and investing in girls’ rights. That’s a global fight, and an urgent one. Closer to home, investing in girls’ rights also looks like something small and practical: a few minutes alone with the doctor.
what the rules actually say in australia
A lot of young people assume they need a parent in the room. You don’t. Youth Law Australia puts it plainly: there are no laws that prevent you from visiting a doctor without your parents or guardians.
The Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne says teens have a right to confidential health care, and that from around 14, young people can start seeing a doctor on their own for at least part of an appointment. What you tell your doctor stays private unless you agree to share it.
There’s one honest exception. If a doctor believes you’re in danger, being harmed, or might seriously hurt yourself or someone else, they can break confidentiality to keep people safe. Raising Children Network notes that, in that situation, a doctor would talk to you first.
Consent works a bit differently from privacy. There’s no single age under 18 where it suddenly switches on. A doctor can accept your consent if they believe you understand the treatment, its risks and its consequences. The RCH says that by around 16, most teens can agree to most treatments themselves.
why it matters more for girls
Think about what girls are often expected to bring to a doctor: periods, pain, discharge, skin, weight, mood, sleep, relationships, contraception, the things that happened at a party. Plenty of those are hard to say in front of a parent, even a great parent.
When there’s no private time, two things happen. Girls leave things out, so the doctor gets half the picture. And girls learn, very early, that their health is something other people talk about on their behalf. That lesson can stick around a lot longer than the heavy periods do.
Your mum can know your history. Only you know what it feels like to live in your body.
what a good appointment looks like
Raising Children Network shows what this can look like in practice. The doctor explains confidentiality at the start, so everyone knows the rules. Then the parent is asked to step outside for a few minutes, and the doctor talks one-on-one with the young person about home, school, friends and sleep. Before finishing, the doctor checks they’ve understood and plans what happens next.
Notice what that isn’t. It isn’t kicking a parent out, or keeping secrets for the sake of it. It’s a normal part of adolescent health care, and for a lot of doctors it’s routine.
If you’re a parent reading this: being asked to step out is not a judgement on you. It’s practice. Your daughter is learning to run her own health, and the waiting room is the safest place to start.
what you can do
- Ask before you go. Youth Law Australia suggests calling the clinic beforehand to check your appointment can be private. You can just say, “Can I see the doctor on my own for part of it?”
- Use a script in the room. “Could I have a few minutes with the doctor on my own?” is enough. So is “There’s something I’d like to ask privately.”
- Write it down. Three dot points in your notes app: what’s happening, how long, and what it’s stopping you doing.
- Ask about privacy directly. “Who will know what I tell you today?” is a completely fair question.
- Get your own Medicare card. The RCH notes most teens can get their own card from 15. We wrote about how in the green card in your wallet.
- Back each other up. If your friend says she’s never had time alone with a doctor, send her this.
If something is going on that feels too big to bring to a GP first, Kids Helpline is free and confidential for 5 to 25 year olds, 24/7, on 1800 55 1800. If you’ve experienced sexual assault or family violence, 1800RESPECT is available 24/7 on 1800 737 732. In an emergency, call 000.
This post is general information, not medical or legal advice.
In voice and solidarity,
The Aletheia Project
